Some days are filled with enormous amounts of gratifying moments, pats on the back, thank yous, how you doing, good to see you, you did a good job. And other days well….the opposite. The days where nothing you do is right, the hard work you do goes unnoticed, in fact you let people down. The days where you keep putting your foot in your mouth, don’t say enough just what I refer to as a “loss”
Life would be strange without the ups and downs. Could you imagine if everyday ran smooth, exactly how you wanted, people did what “they’re suppose” to do according to you. The lights were all green, the traffic always opened up, money always came in. What’s the fun in that right? Well I’ve come to learn that my perception is a huge factor in how my day is. How I perceive people, responses, weather, work, comments etc, it all boils down to me and how it translates in my head.
One could say the bad days are there to help the good ones shine a lil brighter. During a real bad days it’s hard to practice it but I can make a choice to say “this will pass” this is only temporary, tomorrow, next week or next year will be better. Hell I should enjoy the suck factor going on right now because this much mean the sun is coming.
You always hear people talk about getting what they put out in the universe. Karma coming bad good or bad. Maybe it’s as simple as my mindset. If I put out positive energy, smile at people, say excuse me, help others, remain kind even when faced with the personality defects of others, that automatically puts me at better odds to encounter pleasent events. The long term being, one smile to the right person one day manifest into that same person returning that energy to you, giving you a job, opening a door, or protecting you if your in harms way. Maybe that’s the energy being returned to you in small positives ways.
I’ve never had a bad day if I was being of service to another person. I can’t honestly say that if someone or a number of people said they appreciated the help, or smiled as a result of a kind word, or had a better day because of something i did that I lay my head down at night and feel robbed. If I do something for someone without announcing my good deed from a mountain top for all to hear then it feels even better deep inside because I can trust that my motives were there to strictly help another person.
It’s hard to do. To do work and not expect praise. To go above and beyond and not resent co workers, friends or family to do the same. To actually let someone else teach you or be “right”. Ego plays so much into daily life. The more I can remove ego the better my day is. If I just attempt to do the next little tiny right thing then that positive wheel has a way better chance of spinning back into my favor.
I’ll end with this, I absolutely know what happens to my day when I’m selfish, self centered, angry, bitter, cruel and passive agressive. It’s literally impossible for me to feel good at night if I’ve allowed conflict to run my day. Gossiping, judging, being smarter, funnier or more talented than the next person, that thinking NEVER feeds my soul gratitude. And honestly, I have ended some days thinking to myself” your not a good person”. But if I reflect on my attitude, actions and motives honestly the answer is usually pretty clear. I WAS AN ASS at some point of the day. Or I was thinking like one.
I had a great day today, it was super busy because I was parenting two very energetic children with my wife, preparing for some family members to come in town for the weekend. Bottom line, I attempted to put out what I wanted to receive. Some love, and guess what, I got some back for the most part. Tomorrow could be a different story and yesterday was for sure.
But today was good.
Sitting in Jacksonville, fl hotel room watching the Super Bowl. Two chocolate chip cookies and a diet coke. That’s how I party. Tomorrow this time Ill be home with my family. This lil run has been pretty fun. Last nights show in Orlando was amazing. But I gotta be honest, it’s time to change up the electric set. You know it, and we know it.;)
Lately I’ve been asking my self those deep introspective question. “Do I still have the edge performing live” “Am I becoming jaded” “Do I still have the ability to entertain people?” I think any musician that’s done it this long ask themselves this at some point. I think it’s healthy to question these things simply because it’s a good indicater that I care and I’m still engaged in this process.
I always said I would always try to push the envelope and not get lazy in my older age. I still feel like I have something creatively to offer. I don’t want to settle for just walking out there and playing older songs and collecting a paycheck, I want to grow and beat the odds. And by that I mean, bands and artist are capable of staying relavent. It just takes work and being smart enough to surround yourself with people who push you to grow. People that mock you for wanting to evolve are obviously scared and threaten by growth. The work it takes to become better.
There’s a lot of bands that have been around awhile who get better, deftones being one of them for me. Even Chinos side projects, Crosses has such an amazing vibe to it, he’s not settling with just making records he’s trying new things. I admire that
This business is sooooo different than it was when I was younger. Sometimes i think it’s good that it’s changing and sometimes I feel like things are becoming stale. Active rock is dead because it stopped being risky. It’s all cowritten, perfect lil arrangements, rock 101 lyrics, safe rock. When people say “rock isn’t dead” then prove it. Prove it with fresh rock music. A new template that takes the old one as a foundation and builds to it. There’s a fundamental element to all successful bands, the undeniable song. Not just a catchy lil cute rock song but that magic song that is born when all the moons line up with the band and when you hear it you almost don’t like it, it affects you.
I don’t claim to have all the answers but the older I get the more I know that to make waves in this business and to bring rock back around to mass appeal it better do something deserving of that. Do something that noones heard, blend elements that don’t generally go together. A country reggae band, a metal band with bluegrass and industrial elements, I don’t know. Maybe it’ll come from a guitar player that thinks of a way to combine software and electronic elements to the organic raw guitar. One thing for sure, some one some where is coming up with it right now and God speed to you. I’m ready to be inspired
That’s my two cents-
Sitting in a dressing room at the good ole house of blues. The closest thing to our “home” venue. We’ve spent numerous NYEs playing here, regular shows and during the Animosity writing and recording we lived here 9 months. It’s a very familiar place.
I have various memories here, mostly of my old drinking and drugging days. Started out very festive and became very dark. I have a love hate relationship with my past. It helped me get to the place I am but it’s hard to think about the old behaviors and lack of respect I had for human life or other people. But again, part of what brought me here.
Today I’m free of that life and keep it in my memory just enough to stop me from walking back down that path.
Some people think now that I’m sober that alcoholic drinks are like a venomous snake that jumps out of no where and bites me and gets me drunk. That if I physically see a drink I’m in danger of snatching it away and guzzling it down. In the beginning that was true, but today I’m free from the desire to drink. And some feel that I judge them for drinking or look down on them in some way. That’s far from the truth, if I could drink like a normal person I certainly would but after a bunch or crashed into the mountain and career destroying, realationship evaporating events I was lucky to find a way to stop drinking and that’s my journey.
But the old days hold some great memories as well. Fun nights that allowed me to bond with my band mates in a very real way. Memories that are part of the glue that keeps us together.
Two more shows and I’m back home. Gonna spend a week or so being a family man then hopefully dive into some cowrites with whoever hires me on. I truly enjoy being invited into someone’s creative territory. I learn something new everytime I collaborate with another artist. I’m gonna write some random music with no expectations or agenda. That’s truly the best time to write I believe. It lifts that ceiling a bit creativitely and allows me to try new things. We shall see-
Ok enough of that. Enjoy your night whoever took the time to read this.
Much love and have a venomous snake drink for me;)